WoW ! seems a bit dusty  here.... maybe it's time to clean away the cobwebs.

Exams begin monday. I keep fluctuating between jittery nervousness and dissociated indifference. I have two monday and two wednesday, arguably the most difficult of all 10. I'm finished on the 4th of June, and that seems like forever away.

On a brighter note, began looking at bride's maid dresses from my sister's wedding on JCrew's website. Yesterday marked 6 months that Graeme and I have been together! Boy that was quick. I think we might be 'doing some thing fancy for tea' tonight to celebrate. How cute! He asked me last night if I'd go home to Scotland to visit at the end of June. June's going to be great after exams finish. 

Befriended the black fluffy neighbourhood cat the other day, he was sitting on my windowsill being all purry-like.  

Back to revision. I'm making spider charts!!!

Isn't it amazing how talking to someone resolves ALL SORTS OF PROBLEMS. Shit, I just had a 'conversation' with my Chinese housemate... a person I absoltely abhored. 

I have been very angry with her since November when I moved in to find she'd taken two pieces of furniture up to her room. Since then I've been defensive and feeling as though I'm second in this house. For about 10 minutes we yelled at each other, then something happened where we both realised where each other was coming from and decided that we were upset from miscommunication, from relying on Kam relaying conversations (which he never did) and different expectations from one another that neither of us lived up to. By the end of it there were apologies (!) and she even shook my hand. That was the most we'd ever talked.

It's only just happened, I don't know if we'll stay good to each other, but what an overwhelming relief it is to finally talk to her. We can make eye contact now. Reaching peace and understanding between two people can be incredibly powerful.

I haven't been paying attention lately. Environmental habituaton has set in as it's been 5 months in Swansea. 5 fantastic, surprising just-as-I-wanted-it months.  But lately I've been so caught up in worrying about what comes next and what I'm not able to do. Worrying is like a rash, you just can't not itch it, and then it gets more and more itchy and then that's all you're doing, just itching and scratching your worries until you look like a monkey. Worrying consumes me sometimes and I have to stand back and realise what I'm doing. 

When I allow myself to stand back then I realise how lucky lucky I am, how hard I worked to into this course, and that there have been countless times in my life where I didn't know what was coming around the next corner and that, something . always. works out. I was up early the other morning and the clouds were stunning. Just pure and simple, and I remembered where I was and how much this place still amazes me. I love it here. I love this. 

Also, a successful first meeting with staff at the Orchard Centre for my dissertation, walking on the beach with Graeme, seeing little school girls dressed up for St.David's day, a new haircut and simple moments of pure goodness have helped to clear my mind and get me back on track. 

Thursday I'm being adult and having a dinner party. I've invited my dearest and nearest which means cooking for 5, more than I've done before. It's something that's way over due and something that I'm really looking forward to. I love being a hostess, spoiling people who are good to me and drinking cheep white wine. Also, the fact that I have these great people in my lives right now, that I live in a cute little home and can do all this... that is a blessing. 

Also, I got an essay back from Wood today for neuroscience and got a 70! I was so excited, my first distinction. 

I felt like hugging strangers, but thank God I didn't, because that can be a little awkward once you realise what you're doing.

On the whole, I do not believe that some people are more lucky than others. I believe that some focus more on the good things that happen and allow the bad to come and go, in then out. So in a way perhaps people who focus on the positive are lucky to be exercising that choice we all have in life. 

I realised that crappy things are ALWAYS going to be happening to me, which is fine, as long as I remember to let them pass, like a breeze in and out of the house. This is why I will remember the good things that have been happening. 

Valentine's Day has always been a fun little holiday for me, because it was always a good opportunity to be crafty, make some Valentine cards for friends, do a bit of baking and decorating. Red is such a great colour and it's always nice to spoil and surprise friends a bit. In my mind, Valentine's day hasn't been about romantic love, but that fluffy yummy love for friends and family that we usually forget that we're lucky enough to be a part of... and Vday is just an opportunity to remind ourselves and other. 

This is my very first ever Valentine's Day with a boyfriend and it is really exciting for me. Finally I have someone who will really appreciate fun little cards and mix CDs and bubble bath. I made cookies with Adi and Lisa  and Graeme on monday  which was a lot of fun; pink icing, cookie dough, flour, and all sorts of silliness that went with it. 

Tuesday morning Graeme and i booked flights to Amsterdam for the 11th-18th of April. How amazing is it (I keep saying this to myself) that I'm going to Holland with this great guy that I adore. How amazing is it... everything, being in swansea, working towards my MA, living in a flat with a fireplace, getting postcards from my sister on holiday in Ireland and my grandmother in aus. I got a beautiful letter from Grandma Brandt, so sweet it almost made me cry. She says she's glad I found a fella... haha. And Faith is coming to visit! This makes me more giddy than chocolate covered puppies. 

Anyway. Happy Valentine's Day. Spread the love, because that's why we're here anyway. 

So, Poland is quite fun, there are lots of things I've found myself doing that I never thought I'd do... or have the opportunity to do.

Things that stand out in my mind:

The incredibly hospitality found in the homes I've been welcomed into. I always feel a bit nervous when invited home because it's so easy to make a faux paux or to overstay your invitation or to just feel some uneasiness with fitting in and all that. So, I was apprehensive about staying with Ewelina for 2 weeks or so, but her home is made very comfortable by her hospitality and her mother's undiscriminatory love. We speak broken german occasionally, but besides that there is no other verbal communication. We just listen to each other banter off in our own tongues.... this however, does not stop the woman from making sure I feel comfortable by hugging me and letting me know that i'm welcome. We stayed with Karol (Ewelina's fiance who lives in Krakow). He goes out of his way to make you feel at home and his mother (who again speaks no enlgish or german) invited us next door for every meal, cooked for us (amazing dishes) and when we left to return to Brzeg she gave me a little christmas ornament of an angle to keep me safe when flying from continent to continent and to make me remember and return to Krakow. It almost made me cry. The Polish have very warm hearts. 

Christmas and New Years both felt like normal days to me. I feel like the holidays came and went this year without me knowing, mostly because it just didn't feel like it. I think being away from home will do this to you. It has been wonderful, but just different, and I think this makes me feel like the Christmas forgot me again. 

In Poland Christmas doesn't really happen until Christmas Eve. When I arrived on the 19th there were only one or two houses with lights up, but the closer to the 24th more and more lights appeared. Ewelina's mom would be busy in the kitchen all day unil Xmas eve. Karol arrived on the 21st which made things more interesting and on the 24th all three of us were put to work making perogies with Pixie the little dog hopping around our feet. We also decorated that day (which seemed strange to me coming from a country that starts selling xmas decorations before Thanksgiving). I went to the forest with the boys to get some Mistletoe and I showed Ewelina and Karol how to make paper snowflakes. 
When the first star appeared in the sky (It was foggy, we had to guess) we ate dinner. Traditionally there are 12 dishes, and without trying to, we reached this goal. The Poles are also one of the last countries that traditionally have fish for xmas dinner and who share a wafer before the meal. There was a moment before we ate where the light was turned off and everyone said a prayer (which always seems more sacred when in a different language) and then Ewelina's father went around and we broke off the wafer and as he went to each person he said something and hugged them. Then everyone got their own wafer and shared. This is a custom that the Poles keep and one that really stuck me as being a wonderful way to connect with an individual, feel as if you're sharing something with them and to be a part of this happy warm fuzzy feeling that Christmas should be all about. Another thing I really like about Christmas at Ewelina's was the presents (this was something I was dreading, the long process of opening presents and me feeling wierd not giving or recieving). I was happy to find that there were none, or very few (a scarf from Eweline, a book for her Mom and not much else thankfully). She said they usually give their presents on teh 6th of December. This was great because it sort of takes the whole stress of chrismas away and lets you enjoy your company more. The food was fantastic of course (Polish food is divine, especially their soups... but that's another story).

We went to Zakopane, in the deep south of Poland for New Years. It's right by the Slovakian boarder, (I saw the hills of Slovakia from across a lake). When we arrived Zakopane was all white and it was the most mystical place I've ever been. It's like some fairytale; the most amazing tall pine trees were heavy with snow, the houses were something spectacualary with their wood carvings and steep roofs to keep the snow off. There were people going for sleigh rides with horses wearing jingle bells. The passengers drinking hot drinks and holding torches (I'm not making this up). At the guest house we stayed at there was a St. Benard, the hugeness of these dogs never ceases to amaze me.   This Aussie girl even tried skiing... which was interesting to say the least, and I've decided that snowboarding is the way to go for me. 

Alas, there have been so many other experience that I can't write now... but these are the few that stick out for me. Until next time... 

erin

1. Stat Exam from HELL on Friday
   
2. Christmas party and present exchange Friday afternoon.
   
3. Somatoform Disorders and Developmental Disorders essay to complete
   
4. Pack for 3 week trip.
   
   
5. Time with Graeme on Friday night... and hopefully Monday when I have the whole house to myself!
   
6. Shopping for Adi's present for Friday.
   
7. Go to Morriston where I am doing my study to meet with the Psych therapy Director.
   
8. Make sure I see people once more before I leave.
   
9. and 9 billion other tiny things waiting for me to do